I am so NOT A Bro
By Eric Dahlinger
Sometimes I think I am the most socially awkward person that has ever walked the planet earth. I am the most outgoing shy person you will ever meet, that song Shy from Once Upon a Mattress was 100% written about me. Believe it or not I’m better in formal situations then Informal, I understand decorum and manners, but informal social situations can be a nightmare, and I just don’t get bro culture. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t dislike bro culture, I just feel socially unequipped to deal with fist bumps.
So recently I was taking a dance class and someone I really admired was there, and after the class they decided to introduce them selves and give me some nice complements on my dancing, I was freaking out a little bit.. ‘They thought I was good, I have seen them on stage since I was 13, and they are so good’ I thought to myself. But then it happened… the stupid fist bump. Give me a hand shake or even a high five, I will pick up on the social cue very fast… but a fist bump, oh god. My heart literally races when people offer a fist pump… I’m like ‘what do I do’. I think I took five seconds to figure it out, and then when I went for it, I fist bumped the lightest fist bump ever imagined. Come to think of it they may have been holding a coffee, maybe it wasn’t a fist bump at all and I just pumped their coffee… oh goodness that is even more embarrassing. I may have fist pumped a coffee. You see I’m the worst.
I just have to let it go. What is done is done, can not change it now. What seemed like a huge deal for me will probably not even make it into they’re long term memory. And even if it does, I still got a nice complement from someone I respect a lot… I just wish I was cooler.