When Good Friends Vanish
By Eric Dahlinger
“We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone” Orson Welles
They say friendship is 90% convenience, some times it is and some times it isn’t, but what about those friends who you think will be around forever and then vanish. My Facebook memories often show my really passive aggressive posts from high school, things like “I thought we become closer and now you’re further then ever” and “I can’t believe you would throw me aside”… God was I over freaking dramatic. But these posts came from real feelings of rejection and low self esteem. See I didn’t have a lot of friends growing up (don’t feel bad for me, I turned out fine) so when I found someone I really connected to I held on tight. And this made it so much harder to let go when I should of.
The thing that I have learned now is that people come into our lives and they walk out… that is normal. No one I met was ever trying to reject me; they were just getting caught up in their own lives. For every person I felt hurt by, there was probably another that felt I was doing the same to them. My own life was busy, and that is probably why I didn’t have tons of friends. Its okay new people will show up and fill the void.
One particular moment that really stands out was my friendship with a wonderful person during my high school years. Our friendship was explosive we just really connected, there wasn’t much work involved. It was able to survive going to different high schools and living in different cities. But as the time filled up in our first years of university, things got hard. I tried really hard to make the effort… and I would get so mad that it did not seem to be reciprocated. Id get angry and say spiteful things (to my mom, I’m cool) and yet I still felt the friendship existed. I should have just relaxed and realized that life gets in the way, and I tainted all the good times by think they didn’t mean as much to them, but they probably did. But those times were just over, and I needed to just come to terms with that.
I have also had two other really large friendships that stand out to me that are very similar, so if any of you guys are reading this. I was hurt because our friendships meant a lot at the time, and that is a good thing.
Don’t get me wrong, you should still work at friendships, like all relationships, friendship takes work… it takes a lot of work. You have to accept someone fully, love them for who they are, faults and all. And you should try to hold on to the ones who make you happy. But when the work becomes so hard and tough that they no longer make you happy and fulfilled, you become very resentful and bitter, it is ultimately time for you to let go. It is no longer wroth it. Be happy with the friendship that you had. Let that be a happy snap shot in time… don’t taint it. And who knows, maybe they will come back.
And a final note to those who’s friend is chasing them a bit, trying to keep in touch. Make the effort back and reciprocate, its not everyday a person works that hard to be your friend… that person is a keeper.
So Live, laugh, breath. Cherish the good times forever, don’t let them vanish.